Day 2 Part 2: Internal Family Systems
- Lugbelkis Wernet
- May 20, 2023
- 5 min read
On day 2 of the 34th Annual Boston International Trauma Conference, we had a session on Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Addiction given by the developer of IFS, Richard Schwartz, PhD. He starts off the session by asking the following questions: "Have you ever gotten into a conflict, and you find yourself saying and doing things, making it worse, but you can't stop yourself? And you walk away and say, who the hell was that?" InternaI Family Systems Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapy method that views the mind as a system consisting of different "parts" or aspects of ourselves. It suggests that within each person, there are various internal parts that have different thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. These parts can sometimes conflict with each other and cause distress. I first learned about IFS therapy around 3 years ago, on Reddit, early in my healing journey, when I stumbled on a CPTSD forum. Yes, Reddit was one of the most visited platforms when I started going to therapy; I will be forever grateful to the strangers there that supported me and offered me encouraging words when everything was so new, painful, and confusing. The IFS approach focuses on understanding and harmonizing these internal parts to promote healing and well-being. It recognizes that each part has its own intentions and serves a purpose, even if some parts may be disruptive or cause problems. The goal of IFS therapy is to create a compassionate and non-judgmental relationship with these parts, helping them communicate and work together more effectively. Types of parts There are different types of parts: 1. Exciles - these are hurt younger parts that are figuratively locked in a basement and you try to stay away from them. They may be holding to so many burdens and might even feel abandoned by you. If they get triggered, flames of emotions shoot out from the basement 2. Managers - Their tasks are to manage your life and make sure the exiles don't get triggered. This could show up as perfectionism, isolation, caretaker roles while ignoring the self, and so on. Despite those efforts, life has a way of triggering your exiles, and for your parts, this then is an emergency. 3. Firefighters - This is where the firefighters come in, they will do whatever it takes to reduce that flame even if they have to burn themself out. This can show up as addiction, dissociation, or self-harm. As Dr. Schwartz said, "The firefighter doesn't care about collateral damage to your body or relationships, and the critics (managers) attack you for firefighter's actions. Sometimes society does it too and the shaming goes to the heart of the exile, redoubles the level of worthlessness, and makes the firefighter work even harder." Then you have the Self; in IFS, there is a belief that behind all the different parts lies a core or true Self, which has the following C characteristics:
Calmness
Curiosity
Clarity
Compassion
Confidence
Courage
Creativity
Connectedness
The therapist guides the individual in exploring and accessing this core Self, which can then serve as a source of guidance and healing for the various parts.

Coping Methods We all have our coping methods, whether it's healthy or unhealthy, in their very basic form, their purpose is to protect us from something. I came across this thought process during one of the courses that I took in the 29k group healing program. This way of thinking was also reflected in Dr. Gabor Mate's documentary The Wisdom of Trauma. This documentary deals with how addiction is essentially another coping method to try to solve a problem, in many cases trauma. This sounds a lot like what the Firefighters in IFS do.
In IFS, no parts are seen as bad, everyone has parts or sub-personalities as they can something be seen as. Dr. Schwartz goes even further by saying that people with a diagnosis of DID aren't any different from anybody and that their alters are what he called parts, just their system got blown apart much more and their parts had to take over more because of horrific abuse they went through.
All parts have talents and resources to help us in our lives, but trauma forces them out of their valuable state to a state that can be destructive but often needed at the role in their life. They stay frozen in time at the age they experienced the trauma, many of the time single digits, and are usually shocked when they learn that they are not 5 years old anymore.
The IFS Approach to Healing
In IFS healing is equal to unburdening the parts of the trauma, releasing their extreme beliefs and emotions, showing them loving compassion, and helping them love each other.
In short, as Dr. Schwartz explained, that approach starts with finding and disarming the critic, so that the firefighter is also able to disarm. Get the critic to relax, then go to the firefighter who expects to be attacked and is now shocked to be met by curiosity.
The process continues by asking them what they are afraid would happen if they didn't do what they do (e.g. getting drunk, high, overworking).
Dr. Schwartz compared the process with a sales pitch, where you are trying to convince the managers and firefighters to give access to the exiles to help them heal. The managers and firefighters are usually afraid to let us get to the exiles, so it is important to reassure them that you can do it without overwhelming them.
Dr. Schwartz stressed about the importance of not going to exile without permission from the parts. So you address the fears, get permission, focus on the pain, find out how you feel towards it, get to the point of curiosity and compassion, and let the exile know that. Do this until there is a trusting connection made between self and exile. Sometimes that takes a while, and sometimes repair is needed until there is a connection between self and themselves.
Witnessing is the next step; ask the little one to share with you and see and feel what happened to it. Be a compassionate witness to it; they need to get a sense that you get it and understand how bad it was.
After that one has to get into that scene and be with their younger one in that moment, in the way that they needed you to be in that time. Be there in a caring way so that they would be relieved to not be alone. Ask them if there's anything they need you to do with them before you take them to a good place. They are allowed to let their burdens go. Then you bring them to a safer place in your mind, either the present or a fantasy place. You reassure them that you will take care of them from now on.
The favorable outcome in IFS is that the parts feel lighter and the managers and firefighters do not have to use their old coping methods to protect the exiles anymore. They get new and more functional roles.
You may also be better able then to have more of the Self in the external world and lead interactions with all those C-word characteristics of the Self.

What this means for me This is one of the areas that I really want to focus on when I graduate. From what I know that it's like winning a lottery to be able to even get into the certification training, but I am hopeful. Apart from knowing about IFS for a few years now, I have had the honor to have been able to do some IFS therapy with my current therapist. And I can truly say that it is having a positive impact on my life. I find it very powerful for me. I hope that one day I can be on the other side of the therapy room to also be able to share healing and help people unburden their parts. To find out more about IFS Therapy, click here: https://ifs-institute.com/
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